Where's the sarcasm emoticon?

Do you know what I love?

I just love when I am able to grab a quick shower in the morning. I really do.

And I love when I can find some warm clothes in a hurry. Nice.

I also love when I can pack Josiah's lunch in 45 seconds flat. Mwahahaha.

Finding a hat to cover my still soaked hair in order that my hair not turn into a helmet of icicles and make me a Medusa look-alike makes me very happy too. (Of course, the hat keeping me warm is lovely too.) Yep, I love that.

Love love love when the other boys don't throw a fit about not being able to go to the corner with us to catch the school bus.

I LOVE when we don't miss the bus.

But do you know what I love the most?

I just love it when I get back inside my house after having put Josiah on the bus and having waved at the bus driver, look in the mirror, AND see that I look like Alice Cooper with my leftover eye makeup having run in the shower. I. Love. That.

Excuse me while I clean up my keyboard. My sarcasm seems to have dripped all over it.

Racing Report

Our family went to the Lake Erie Speedway this weekend. There was noise, cars, speed, noise, spin outs, breakdowns, noise, wrecks, and bleachers.

I think the boys liked the races. I am certain that they loved the bleachers. My conversation went a lot like this: Oh my cow! Can you sit still please! Look at those cars. Sit. Here. Which one do you think will win? Stop bumping the people in front of us. Did you see that? Hold still. Get him over here! I missed what happened. Your car came in last again, John.

We ended up leaving early (which was already past the boys' bedtime) but we had watched several short races.

The next morning I had Josiah write in his journal. (I'm trying to keep him in the practice of writing while school is out...unlike me.) He wrote something like this: Last night we went to the race track. I brought my money but my mom told me I couldn't buy anything. Really?? That's what stuck out to you? Not the wrecks? the spin outs? the cars? Well... glad I could make an impression.

Ponytails Are Safer!

Some young, single, fashionable women may wonder why it is that mothers with young children tend to wear their hair in ponytails. Well, I'll tell you...

Once upon a time (exactly 48 hours ago) in a place very close to here (approximately 8 to 10 feet from where I now sit), I attempted to take a quick shower. Now I only had two young ones in the house and I let them play in the fenced-in backyard thinking that perhaps there would be less screams of bloody murder if they had more room in which to entertain themselves. Well, I was right on that account.

As I am enjoying the warm water washing away the tiredness and dirt and stickiness and, well, you get it, I get so far as to finish shampooing when Nathan knocks on the door. (No surprise there.) "What?", I ask. Nathan's voice comes through the door, "Noah got out the gate!" "WHAT?!", I repeat. "GET HIM! GET HIM!" Yes, I did sic my son on his brother. I hurriedly rinse off and grab a towel hoping to God that I don't have to run out front in this state or that the neighbors are gone or inside or something, anything other than outside to witness this spectacle that is unfolding.

I rush to the side door and, thankfully, am able to stop short. Noah is in my car. No, he's not allowed to play in my car but he's not in the street and the neighbors can't see us! I tell Nathan to shut the car door. Yes, I did. I had Noah shut inside the car because he doesn't know how to open the doors from the inside yet. Now with Noah under wraps, I commanded Nathan to stand by the door and keep an eye on his brother.

With my children once again contained, I could rush through getting dressed before promptly retrieving Noah from the car, yelling something about never leaving the backyard without permission until enough loud words had been spoken to satisfy my angst.

Then I took a dog leash and tied that gate shut.

The end.

P.S. My hair just had to go without conditioner until the next available shower. No hair was damaged during this story.

Robot Wives are Mostly Nice

The boys are watching Dave install a new screen door at Grandma and Grandpa's house. (They wanted a new door just because the old one started locking them out all the time. Whatever.)

During this time, I have learned that Nathan has a wife! A robot wife. He built it himself. (Yes, he does watch Phineas and Ferb. No, I don't think they have ever built a wife on the show.) His wife doesn't let him have sawhorses but she does let him have a tractor. His wife also wants him to touch the toolbox.

This is all news to me. He has kept this under wraps until now. I'm just glad that I'm not the only one enforcing some restrictions around here anymore. Maybe he'll listen to his robot wife since he built her and all.

The next time he doesn't like what I have to say... I can just "remind" him that his wife says "You have to eat your vegetables."

I can work with this.

I Love Post It Notes

Do you have any random thoughts today? You can play along on your blog by clicking on Supah's Post It Note below OR leave a comment here OR, even better, play along AND leave a comment!

Awkward Moments Day

As I drove home from work this morning, I heard on the radio that it is Awkward Moments Day. Finally! This is definitely my kind of holiday! Now..... What is the best way to celebrate this day? Do I reminisce about my awkwardness? Do I purposefully go out and put myself in new awkward positions? That could be fun ... AND more awkward for the other person. Then I could laugh and say "Happy Awkward Moments Day!" and, of course, they would be relieved that they were supposed to feel awkward and they would then "pay it forward" as any good deed should be. Or else, they may get really mad and hit me. In that case, I would feel awkward calling the police. I wonder if the police have any funny awkward stories to share...

All this rambling is somewhat awkward. Somewhat awkward is probably not good enough for Awkward Moments Day though.

I will confess an awkwardness: A lot of the time I will over analyze what I say in person to someone I don't know well. I rule out conversation starters as "too much information", "not interesting", "don't want to go there" and instead of conversing since my brain has locked up, I just stand there trying to come up with something anything to say. That's awkward. Why can't I just blurt out my weirdness and deal with that awkwardness instead?

Can you think of your most awkward moment? Or a recurring awkward moment? OR if you make someone else feel awkward today, please tell. Thank you and Happy Awkward Moments Day!

Random Thoughts Post It Style

After reading Shell's Post Its every week, I decided today is a good day to participate. Click on SupahMommy's Post It below to join the fun.

I'm Tri-Topical

I have an issue with google maps. I entered my address and my destination and *tah dah!* got directions. So far, so good. I left early so that I would have plenty of time to arrive at my appointment but something went wrong. The directions were faulty! It said to turn right on Old French Road but there was only a left! My sense of direction was telling me that the home to which I was going could NOT be left and then I thought, "If one part of the directions is wrong, how do I know how much more of it is wrong?" I did the only logical thing: I drove around hoping to see the other roads I needed.... and I called Holly and complained to her until she hung up on me. But really the hang up was accidental and she was getting me directions from, hopefully, someplace other than google maps if only I could find her an address as the starting point. Thankfully my keen sense of direction and a miracle brought me to within a mile of my destination. Holly gave me the Cherry Street directions which google map logically should have given me in the first place since Cherry is closer than Glenwood Park. duh. I arrived at my appointment 10 minutes late. I hate late. I jotted down my new directions and as I drove home. That's right. I drove and wrote because texting is dangerous.

Later... I drove home the other direction just to see how google maps was trying to send me. There was an Old French Road on the right side only it didn't attach. You can't turn right onto Old French from Glenwood! You first have to turn on Old Perry Hwy THEN Old French. Google maps, you may now update your information. Thank me.

Thinking of driving, I'm looking for new vehicle. A big vehicle and a teeny tiny price.

This car may be discounted... but it's not what I need. The paint looks great though, right?

This car is in the Hip and Knee Joint ward of the hospital. It is used for physical therapy. Definitely not for speed because I don't think those itty bitty wheels on there will work well for that. What? Oh. Why was I in the Hip and Knee Joint area? Well, it wasn't for car shopping....

I spent most of yesterday at the hospital with my mom, Roger, and my brother while my dad, who recently won the fight with Tim, was taking on a new battle with Ben, a.k.a. knee replacement surgery.

My dad was feeling good when he woke up. Mainly because he was feeling nothing. So they hooked him up to a torture device, a.k.a. physical therapy machine, that lifted and bent his leg with the new knee over and over again.

I wanted to take a picture of the machine's workings but Matt said that there were decency issues at stake. So I didn't dare lift the blankets myself lest I inadvertently expose my eyes or yours to some indecency.

Anyhow, my dad is at the hospital for the next few days pushing himself and being pushed to use his new knee. I know he can beat Ben. You can do it, Dad!

Hm. I wonder if that leg is the one that already has a scar running up it. He seems to have quite the scar collection going on. Any more and I might get suspicious about his motives for surgery.

The Places I Went

I was told to take a lot of pictures on my trip to the Dominican Republic. So I did.

This "restroom" was not restful. It was in a separate building behind the church and there were no lights. Picture this with just the beam of a small flashlight. Three of us ventured out back to use this toilet. We made plenty of noise as we approached and Cheryl threw rocks at the building. Why? Because we didn't want "company" in there in the dark. Rats and spiders, PLEASE let the girls have a turn. The rocks and noises did their job. *whew* When someone asked if I had actually used these "facilities" I responded, "Hey, I was just glad that I would have a door!"

The next outhouse I came across was brand new. It was built at a construction site (which I have yet to tell about). Isn't it cute? Then they said we had time to use the outhouse if needed.

So, of course, I quickly took advantage of the offer AND took a picture. The door latch was a little tricky.

Here's the bathroom I used everyday. The showers were cold but surprisingly refreshing to me. The lantern was for when the power was out. (The power goes out nearly every day for hours and usually comes on again in the evening/night.) That toilet had me practicing me my patience; you had to hold that handle until it was completely done flushing in slow motion. The water bottles were for brushing teeth. You don't want to put even a minuscule amount of tap water in your mouth.

Ah! Another church bathroom. Better than the scary dark outhouse but it had its own setbacks. Notice there is no t.p. No problem. I came prepared. (The other girls called me Walmart. Not that I had packed a lot; I just packed what I remembered needing in a third world country.)

And there was no running water. This bowl was filled with bleach water for cleaning your hands. Yes, I used it. Then I used my hand sanitizer too. What? Wouldn't you?

Even the nicest bathrooms have their occasional challenges. The house was running out of water. Cheryl had ordered a water truck to fill the cistern but it hadn't arrived yet. I said, "We could just carry some water up from the other house so that we can flush the toilets here." She agreed but didn't let me do it. She had the guys on the team carry buckets. Buckets and buckets. *ahem* Sorry, guys. My fault.

I will admit that I didn't go here. Holly did. And I asked her to take a picture. That's right. I knew that Josiah would want to see a picture of the airplane's bathroom. But I totally could have gone here; I was just, well, I didn't want to get up and squeeze past the nice man sitting next to me.

So there you have it. I did miss a few places. Thank me.

My dad laughed at me for taking all these pictures. (So did Micah and Holly and Cheryl and everyone who knew) My response? "It's a lot more fun using a questionable/scary bathroom when you are collecting evidence for bragging rights!"

I hope you are sufficiently impressed. And please, please, tell me your worst bathroom experience. Okay, maybe I should clarify; please tell me about the worst bathroom you have used or the one that made you suddenly realize you didn't have to go so bad after all.

Friends Don't Leave Friends in the Dark

I've been thinking about where to begin this tale of travel. After much consideration, I decided that I would start somewhere in the middle and work my way around sort of in a spiral pattern. Beginning to end is so overrated, isn't it? No? Oh well.

The five of us that traveled together are my dad, my brother and sister-in-law, Dave, and me. Now for some reason Dave felt the need to look out for me. Probably because he's a dad, husband, and grandpa AND he didn't want to answer to John if anything bad would have happened to me. Little did he know that I'm pretty independent. Not careless. I just know when I'm capable of doing something without assistance. But I humored him a bit and let him do his guardian duties .... sometimes.

Dave is the one looking at the camera instead of the view.

One dark rainy night when the power was out, Dave waited to walk me across the street to the house in which we were staying. Thanks, Dave.

Since there was no power and neither of us had flashlights with us, the house was very, very dark when we got in there. So I did my trick.

As I started walking to my room, I told Dave, "Just shut your eyes real tight then open them again and you will be able to see better...." and I went to my room, climbed in bed and went to sleep without a second thought.

The next day I learned that Dave hadn't heard me and spent some time getting his phone out and trying to use the light of his phone as a sort of flashlight and continued stumbling through the house to his room after realizing that I had already vanished. (I will admit that I laughed upon hearing this.)

"What? Really? You don't know that trick?" Apparently more moms than dads use that technique when entering a dark room....

Micah and Holly informed us that pirates would wear those eye patches for just such a reason. They would flip up that patch when raiding a ship in the dark and be able to see perfectly. And it must be a true story.... it was on Myth Busters. And to think, I thought those pirates were just clumsy and frequently poked their eyes out.

Maybe the next trip I'll bring my own eyepatch... or get one for Dave at least.

Wishing for the White Stuff

I am hearing rumors of "snow fatigue". These reports are coming out of areas that don't normally get a lot of snow.

People are saying that they are *gasp* running out of stuff to do. *shocked face*

WHAT?!

You've got a winter wonderland just on the other side of that door!

People are reporting that they have cleaned house, baked, cooked, read books, organized, done laundry, painted, done crafts, sewn, yada, yada, yada, and more. REALLY?

I live in an area where our average yearly snowfall is well over 100 inches....
and I still manage to get nothing done. Seriously. What are they trying to do?

We have a measly 3 inches of snow left on the ground that has been melting down from the couple of feet we had a while back. I didn't appreciate it while it was here. Usually our snowfall just. keeps. coming.

Personally, I am hoping for more. Oh yeah. LOTS more. Why? Because I haven't yet recreated some awesome Calvin and Hobbes snowmen scenes. That's why.

I feel the NEED to get creative in our snow play and I really want to see what Josiah would come up with. Think of the possibilities!

Life Lesson: Don't take your snow for granted.

Of course... our front yard isn't big enough for multiple scenes. We may have to "borrow" some more lawns. Coming Soon to a yard near you....

Clinging to the Clean

It has been ten days since we CLEANED our house. I'm talking about put away everything setting on the surfaces, pick up toys, put away laundry, organize kitchen counters, DUST, sweep, mop, vacuum, EVERYTHING downstairs. Upstairs? Not so much. Yes, we did have company coming. Why do you ask?

It was Josiah's birthday party. Nearly everything was done. With only two things left to accomplish, I decided coffee was a priority. Then people started arriving .... 15 minutes early. Really? When does that ever happen? Belinda, my sister-in-law, was the first one through the door and she asks, "Is there anything I can help you with?" I told her, "Well... everything for the party is set but I am about to go into the toy room and scoop up everything left on the floor and put it in a laundry basket." (I had already done some picking up, okay? There were pathways by this time.) Belinda says, "I can do that!" (Belinda rocks.) And soon everything that had not yet been picked up in that toy room was stashed away for another time. Success!

Ever since that time I've been clinging to the clean. Confronting the chaos head on. Defending my living room from the invasion of toys, blankets, coats, hats, shoes, dishes, and, yes, even popcorn. The battle is wearisome at times but the fight must go on.

OR ELSE

This could happen. again.

This is the "before" picture of the Playroom.

You see, my idea of clean and my boys' idea of clean is not the same. No. Not at all. I say, "Pick up your toys." They hear, "Stuff them into the toy room (and for good measure, dump them out in the process)."

Never, never, never, never give up! (I like to borrow quotes from Winston Churchill.)

Oh, yes. Get this. I was channel surfing and saw a glimpse of an organizing show on HGTV. The person was asking for help in organizing their spotless playroom. I had to turn to the channel. Obviously, they have no CONCEPT of a mess.

P.S. I'm sure that some day you will hear about Josiah's actual birthday party but I'm waiting for a quote from him which he may or may not deliver. Right now he said he's thinking about what he might want to say on the blog.

You Didn't. Really? It's Too Much!

The Splash Award – Blue Cotton Memory passed this award to me. It is given to alluring, amusing, bewitching, impressive and inspiring blogs.

I just want to thank all my fans the people who skim my writing. You 30 or so people are the best! And I'd like to thank "words". I mean, where would we be without them? You couldn't even tell me where we would be if you didn't have words. See? Of course, you COULD show me a picture... Yes, pictures are very expressive. That would work. So... I would also like to thank "pictures" ... for showing us stuff.

In all seriousness, this award is a blessing because it lets me know that the things I've shared have given someone a laugh or encouraged them in some way. I love to see and share the humor in life.

The rules for this award are:

• Put the logo on your blog/post.
• Nominate and link up to 9 blogs which allure, amuse, bewitch, impress or inspire you.
• Let them know that they have been splashed by commenting on their blog.
• Remember to link the person from whom you received your Splash Award.

These blogs have made me smile, laugh, be inspired or impressed me with their heart for people and perseverance in hard times.

Suburb Sanity - I love her sense of humor. She can tell you how to insult people nicely, what to do about sleepless nights, and how to make a nearly-grown child call home.

The Livesay [Haiti] Weblog - Troy and Tara are missionaries in Haiti. Yep. They are there right now. I love reading their stories of hope in the midst of heartache.

Our Kantola Family Story - She made me start blogging. She's an excellent writer: witty, funny, and real. She also has excellent taste in friends.

The Jungle Hut - Rita lives in Paraguay. Oh the stories she has to tell!

JenHartNSoul - Jen offers insight, recipes, and, yes, humor too.

thatgirlblogs - I love the way she tells stories and shares her frequent brushes with fame.

Today's Cliche - It's a His and Hers blog! We get to read the different ways that He and She view life.

Nobody Listens To The Girl - She cracks me up. I love to laugh and Bethany delivers. She is also an expert on Trent Edwards.

Anne Nunn Photography - Her photographs are beautiful. She finds and shows you the beauty in the everyday and those special days too.

Bethany from Nobody Listens To The Girl also recently listed me in her top ten blogs. (Yeah, I was just as shocked as you.) AND she recently reinstated me on her blogroll so whatever I did to fall from her graces must have been resolved or maybe just enough time passed to allow my link to be shown once again. (I'm so sorry, Bethany! I'll never ever do it again unless it was really funny to me... )

I am now going to pass this honor on to my top ten blogs. If you will, please turn your attention to the blogs above including Blue Cotton Memory (She has five boys and a lot of insight to share.) Now I realize that Nobody Listens to the Girl is in this list already and you're not supposed to place the giver in the givee list... Just call me a cheater.

OR look to the right and see my longer list of favorites. Now I'm an overachiever. And a brown noser.

Would you stop calling me names already? I'm just trying to pass along a prize and an honor...

P.S. I do NOT have tuberculosis! Just in case you were concerned... be concerned no longer. Friday I had to have a ppd test (apparently tuberculosis is abbreviated ppd and, yes, I know that ppd stands for something else which is another term for tuberculosis) for work. I was stabbed and injected with a foreign substance in order for them to tell me this morning something I already knew. I'm not sick. Well, THAT'S a relief. Those non-symptoms had me worried.

An Open Letter to Huggies Pull-Ups

To whom it may concern:

We use your product and love the construction of it; after all, Pull-Ups is "The only brand with easy open sides." The purpose of these? "There for moms, just in case!" Right. As if accidents are the exception... I like this feature just in case my child rips off his Pull-Up and it is still clean; I can then reattach the sides and save myself from wasting 25 cents. Besides, it looks more comfortable. I mean, if you're going to sleep with your own urine right next to your skin, you may as well be comfortable.

The other features you offer such as Learning Designs and Cool Alert show an effort to improve the potty training experience but they fall flat. The Designs are not visible unless you first take off the child's pants (This part is no problem for the child.) and then said child bends over and tugs the Pull-Up into a position where he can see if the Learning Designs are still there. It's just simpler to feel or smell whether the Pull-Up has been filled. And Cool Alert? Really? Can it be cool inside a Pull-Up next to the skin of the child who has just peed? I kind of doubt it. My child has never commented on feeling the chill but neither have I tested this myself nor will I. I'm putting the Cool Alert in the irrelevant idea section.

My main concern is the characters you put on your Pull-Ups. Yes, they are very cute. However, you have a practice of selling two characters in the same package. Yes, they are related: Princesses and Cinderella, Lightning McQueen and Mater. Here lies the problem. Kids don't need this choice! My son roots through the package searching for Mater because "Queen wakes me up". Mater is his Pull-Up of choice since you, in your creativity, have pushed choosing a pattern upon young children. Perhaps if you would teach Lightning McQueen to let sleeping boys sleep, this problem could be averted. I propose you create an all Mater package; this way the choice can be made in the store instead of ALL OVER THE BATHROOM FLOOR. *ahem*

On another note, I see on your website that you have a potty dance video. That's great! Children love music and dancing. *watches video now* Uh... Never mind. We don't have time to be dancing on the way to the potty!

Anyway... thanks for those Easy Open sides. They ARE your saving grace.

Sincerely,
A mom with way too many Lightning McQueen Pull-Ups who is contemplating altering McQueen with a big black permanent marker to look like the funny, buck-toothed Mater.